Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
