we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
