my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
