Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
