were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Mom said you looked used
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
