Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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