so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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