He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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