8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
