Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
