what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
