i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
