Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
