so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
