and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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