respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
