So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
