The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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