im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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