Whod you bang
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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