my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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