I'm really into asian looking animals
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
