If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
