so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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