I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
