Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
