My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
