I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
