Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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