You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
