That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
