If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
