Someone shit on the floor
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
