was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
