why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
