i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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