Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
