A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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