Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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