K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just want nice things and good sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
