She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
