He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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