batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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