I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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