Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
