The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
