I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
