Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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