Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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