the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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