Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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