sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
