the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
