I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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