Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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