it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
